The Words of Mother Saying Goodbye
Sit here.
Contemplate not a Brother, not a Sister – none of my children.
Sit here, and contemplate me as a whole.
(I obey, and sit, and observe.
I hear the sternness in Her voice,
different than any other time.
I wait to discern the cause,
In stillness, it emerges.)
Between Father and Mother,
Spirit and Nature,
Heaven and Earth,
There you are.
Spirit is perfect, I am perfect,
We are One.
There you are in the midst of Us.
Do you fear?
Do you feel the oppression?
Ah, yes, Mother, I feel the oppression.
And that, my Child, is where you fall,
You lie between and amidst Us.
How can you be other than Us, if all is Us?
How can you be, if all is but Divine Oneness?
Do you see?
Yes, Mother, I see.
This is why you sleep—why you must sleep!
You must be blind, lest you drown in us,
and losing yourself, hate us.
This is why your mind gravitates (and must for a time gravitate)
downward,
away from truth,
away from Light,
away from knowing,
away from stillness,
away from love,
away from the Way,
away from Being –
This is the Fall, the great lie that must be.
This is the great delusion, so that you might find yourself,
find your freedom,
find your way
find your being.
This is the Returning,
You will struggle,
You will flail!
You will know nothing, and fear everything.
You will yearn to be nothing, to be no more, to never have been.
You will wage war, and you will fail.
You will wage war, and that is failure.
You will become duplicitous, and vile.
You will seduce and deceive,
You will be a glutton,
devouring all you desire,
desiring everything you see,
seeing everything as if it weren’t Me,
as if it weren’t already you.
You will suffer, my Child.
I see.
Do you see?
You must leave from here.
I do not want to leave.
I have suffered!
I have flailed!
I have failed a thousand times!
I have now returned, and I wish to stay!
Yes, my Child, you have returned,
And we rejoice in your joy!
Nevertheless, you must leave.
You will leave.
If you rejoice, then why must I leave, again?
There is work to be done.
You bring Us with you.
We have never not been with you.
We know your suffering,
It is Our suffering,
For We love you such that we enter
And entering forget Us,
That we might know you—Know you as you.
Why did You summon me,
Why did You awaken me, only to send me away?
We do not send away; We have never sent away!
It is simply the Way.
There is no other.
Yet even the suffering is made to shine upon the Returning,
A rainbow in the clouds.
The light shines, and nothing is dark.
Suffering and failure are of the great teachers!
Humility,
Hoping,
Seeking,
Empathy,
Forgiving,
Ahimsa,
Meekness,
Gratitude
Goodwill
Gentleness,
Generosity,
Self-restraint,
Non-attachment,
Enlightenment,
The Returning,
Awe,
Joy,
Oneness
These are the blossoms growing from roots
embedded in suffering and failure!
Without the Fall, the great delusion, these cannot exist long.
Light is known because of dark;
High by low;
Warmth by cold;
Beauty by ugliness;
Wisdom by blindness;
Good by evil.
The Beauty of it, the Fall and the Return,
Is that by it, love is given, one to another,
no longer from above, but from within,
and that love is new.
That love is not false, not blind, not taken for granted, not simply the way of things,
not untested, not without freedom.
It is not attached to Us, but is your own,
Forged in the crucible of your suffering and your failure,
Thus from humility,
And from humility, gratitude,
And from gratitude, love and goodwill,
And from love and goodwill, service and healing.
Without effort, there is no failure.
Where there is no faith or hope, there is no effort.
Be still, and do the work.
Be silent within, and the words will come.
Be concerned with prudence, jurisdiction, sincerity of effort,
And unconcerned with outcome,
then success will find you.
You see the Light,
You know the Way,
You know Life, Oneness, Joy.
You must use the Light to walk the way of life.
Within the Returning,
You must return to help others.
This is the Way.
You must be You, and not Us.
Will my eyes still be given to see?
My heart opened to You?
Your heart will descend and ascend upon the many rungs of consciousness,
and your eyes will see what is there.
You will return and you will go, as your heart requires,
That you might be You, and not Us.
Will I be a wanderer forever, without a home?
With each return, you bring the Light,
The Way, Spirit, Oneness, with you.
It enters you at your request, your diligent search.
As much enters as your heart needs to live, and no more—
lest you be destroyed
And when the heart languishes for lack of alterity,
It descends, but within, is Us, Heaven.
It is yours, it is You, for the first time You.
When the heart grows weary of the dross and the low,
It again yearns, seeks, rises, returns, knows and finds Oneness.
So it is forever, each time there is less suffering, less delusion.
Each time, what is higher gives meaning to lower,
Light to dark,
Joy to suffering.
And when the heart is ready, everything is illuminated, and the Return is complete.
The going and coming, and the stillness, are then known as One.
It is a chosen Oneness, and so does not destroy,
Nor does it take away sense of self, or freedom.
When I say, “you must leave,” it is not a command,
It is a truth which I see, but you do not.
I know your heart, and I see that it is yearning for leaving,
even as you yearn to stay, your heart will not let you.
From a lower level, “You must leave,” because the heart demands to leave, that it might not be destroyed in Oneness, that it might know that it has freedom, and so is real.
From a higher level, “You must leave,” because it is the Way.
That you may choose to leave proves that when you return and when you stay,
you have chosen it freely. That is the joy.
That is Life.
When this Life is in you, then you love one another.
Loving one another is something outside of Us, your Parents.
It is yours, truly.
This love becomes your true Home.
This love becomes your true Joy.
This love becomes your true Life.
It is not outside of love for and from Us.
It is not Ours, but it is not outside of Us.
You cannot love one another if you do not love Us.
You cannot love Us if you do not love one another.
Your love for one another receives of Our life,
And there is Oneness.
A Prayer of Gratitude
Thank You, Mother; Thank You, Father;
Bless me on my journey – I know you will, have always.
I embrace the Way,
I embrace the ascending as the Returning,
I embrace the falling as the Way of the Returning!
Let me do no harm.
Let me not do harm to my Brothers, to my Sisters,
great and small.
Let me be a servant to the Way,
Uplifting all I encounter,
Let Your joy be in my voice,
Your voice be in my words,
You words be in my thoughts.
Let Your Light shine in my eyes, to give hope—
That there is a purpose,
That there is a place of stillness.
That there is a Way, a Light, and Life,
That there is Oneness, who is our true Being.
Let Your teachings find first my ears,
And then my mouth (lest I act the fool and lead astray).
Let Your unfathomable love find first my hands,
And then my heart (lest I wait and delay the purposes the Way).
Let me remain ever still in the unknowable perfection of the Way,
Let me remain ever active in the doing of the Way.
Be with me.
The Big Catch
And then it happened. Jada and I were walking along the creek towards our usual spot, the spot that Heron like to occupy since his return, since my learning the lessons of patience, the lesson of no lesson, and the presence of absence. There he was, but he was not just standing there. He hopped up onto a log jam wrapped around a couple of big midstream boulders, and a moment later, he pounced so fast that I nearly missed it. When he raised up his long neck, there, glistening in the sun was a stunning fish—the biggest fish I have ever seen in the Pennypack Creek. It was exhilarating to watch that triumphant moment.
His patience paid off. But the event was far from over. As the fish flapped back and forth, BG Heron periodically, skillfully, opened his beak and flipped the fish further into his long beak, and then changed the angle of the fish so that the head was now ready to slide down his neck, followed by the tail. All of this took some time. And then he opened his beak into the air and the fish began to enter his gullet. But the fish was huge, and didn’t just slide in easily. Heron had to repeat this motion several times before the tail of the fish was no longer visible in his gaping beak.
Still the event was not over. The neck of Heron was warped with the bulge of the fish which did not slide down to the stomach, but stuck in the throat. Heron took his time. He sat with neck mostly erect, waiting patiently for the inevitable to happen. Occasionally, Heron would stretch and move his neck, causing the fish to slide a little bit further down, until finally, the neck returned to its previous form and the fish was securely in the belly of the bird. I could sense the happiness and satisfaction of the Heron, and also the fact that it had known about, and had been awaiting this particular fish for days.
The lesson? Watchful patience upon tall skinny legs that aren’t sucked in by the torrents and temptations of life pays off—big time. Jesus employed many fishermen to be his closest friends and disciples. He told them that he would make them fishers of humanity. These words are often interpreted as meaning he would teach them to catch people up to become his followers. What if his intended meaning was that he would teach his disciples, his followers, to learn how to catch and draw out the true humanity within others? Under surface of each person we meet, there is a humanity waiting to be seen, appreciated, and drawn up out to the surface.
Jesus was all about love. He abhorred condemnation, judgment and hypocrisy because these do the opposite of his goal—to draw out the true humanity in all people. They not only cripple the wellbeing of those who are judged, they calcify and collapse the humanity those who are judging. Both parties are victims of a socio-psycho-spiritual parasite. Blame lies in lies, not in people. Judgment falls on false paradigms and values, not on their victims.
The reason sin is sin is that it inhibits our true humanity, and so our happiness, wellbeing, and connectedness to Father, Mother, the human family and the non-human family of Nature. What is true humanity? We are made in the image and likeness of God, who is Love Itself and Wisdom Itself. Love is what makes us truly human, and without wisdom, love is unproductive. Therefore, our true humanity is that we love and we acquire wisdom.
If we follow the lessons of Great Blue Heron, we will become excellent fishers of humanity. Rather than grasping about at what we think we want, when we stand still, wait patiently, watch carefully, and remain above the swirl of life, we will see clearly into the heart and spirit of others and it will be easy to see the humanity there, the love and the wisdom that is unique to the person in front of us. We will see through all the scars and trauma. We will see past all the defensiveness and fear. We will see beyond the social masks and we will know exactly what to say and when to draw out the very best of whomever we meet. In doing so, we will become a true healer. We will find that those who spend time with us are surprised at themselves as they learn to know their own humanity in a way they never had before. Jesus was, above all, a healer. He healed bodies, but more importantly, he healed minds, hearts, social systems, and ultimately his goal is to heal the world of all that inhibits us from loving and living in harmony with Father, with Mother, with one another, and with all things of Nature. What else could salvation mean?
The fish took a very long time to even get to the belly of Heron, and then of course, digestion would need to occur before the catch would be ready to nourish the bird, or likely, the young ones up in a tree, awaiting dinner. It is interesting how true this image has played out in my life and my pursuit to offer the world some meaningful food for the soul. As the experiences and ideas presented in this book arrived, the big fish, so to speak, I was extremely eager (and impatient) to present them. I wrote a book that smashed together a few disparate pieces of writing I was engage in at the time—part academic thesis, part poetic personal journal, and part instruction manual. I tested the waters with a few readers and quickly came to understand that this was not a digestible format for the messages which I was excited to share with others. The fish was only partway down the hatch. There was nothing I could do other than wait for the experiences and ideas break down and reassemble into a format that was clear and palatable.
The young ones up in the tree are in part the desire to be fully fed spiritually. Young herons squawk, squabble and carry on to get the food, and I felt that impatience within me. I wanted more and deeper connection with Nature and Spirit, and I wanted to fill the belly of my need to communicate these ideas with others. The young ones up in the tree are also the elevated or spiritual needs of others, who are genuinely hungry. I sensed that the food I was receiving in the forest by the creek was the food that I had always been looking for. I very much wanted to share that with others who might also be hungry in the way that I was.
In startling contrast to the utter stillness I had witnessed of my teacher in all that preceded this moment, I was astounded at how quickly he struck when finally the time was right. It was so fast that I actually sort of missed the show. After watching for a while, I decided to get a closer look from a better angle. As I moved slowly forward, he struck the fish right as I a tree trunk obscured my view. It was clear, though, he didn’t just strike with his neck. In this incident, he leaped powerfully with his whole body to catch the fish.
The lesson I take from this is that the kind of passivity, detachment and stillness Heron teaches about is different from nonchalance, from escapism, and from that kind of spirituality that minimizes the importance of life on earth. Ever since high school, I have spent a lot of time pondering the relationship of peace with passion. Both seemed good and valuable, and yet I couldn’t figure out how to hold both. If I am at peace, I lose passion. If I am passionate for some good cause, I don’t feel peace. The paradoxical dichotomy of stillness and speed, detachment and engagement isn’t actually about knowing the right time for each, as it is with Heron, it is more about knowing how to do both at the same time and in the right way.
Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. displayed a calmness of spirit, and ability to remain detached and above the fray of insults and violence aimed at him and his people, but he also was powerfully engaged and knew when and how to strike with his beautiful words in order to feed the spiritual hunger of a whole generation and many to come. The same is true of Mahatma Gandhi. Though often misattributed to be a quote of Jesus, “Live in the world, but not of the world,” is still a good perspective on his message and certainly excellent advice.
We get pushed over by the current when we live by the concerns of the lower self, but have peace when we don’t. On the other hand, escapism, nonchalance and minimizing the importance of the world make it so that we fail to strike and make a catch. Only a motivation of selfless love is able to be both at peace and filled with passion, still and lightning quick at the same time. Love does not grasp at the world, but it will seize every opportunity to better it. Love does not escape the sorrows and trials of the world, but it is firmly grounded in a deeper wisdom that is able to retain serenity anyway. Love itself knows when and how to strike when opportunity arises.
Herons have a remarkably high catch rate—anywhere from 70 to 90 percent of attempts result in success. The young begin by catching insects and move towards more challenging prey until they are ready for the big fish. Learning how to live with peace and passion at the same time seems to follow a similar arc. Rather than trying to save the world, we simply do what we can when opportunity presents itself—maybe something as simple as offering a smile to the checkout lady. If we practice listening to each moment and noticing how to benefit them in little ways, we are prepared when life calls on us to step up for a bigger task. Unlike if we are always trying to figure out how to save the world, we retain inner peace by just doing the next right thing. Neither King nor Gandhi set out intending to lead great and successful social movements. Both of them used their talents to serve justice in whatever way each day called for. Their passion for justice knew when and how to strike. Their trust in a higher reality, Truth, God, allowed them to retain peace.
The lesson I receive from my teacher’s big catch is strike when it seems possible to do something of value for the world, but retain the peace of trust in the guiding current of Spirit. Don’t neglect little things, like picking up the pen that someone dropped, and don’t overfocus on accomplishing big tasks. The little ones prepare us for the big ones. Focus instead on being sensitive to the needs of the here and now. Finally, when the big opportunity does present itself, do not hesitate and do not half-heartedly engaged—Heron threw his whole body into the effort and so was successful. Trusting in the Divine current of love does not mean that when beneficial work presents itself, we just relax, put in a little effort and see what happens; if we do, the answer will be: not much.
I wrote a book, I tried hard. I missed. I am trying again. Maybe this one will succeed, maybe not. Either way, I’m trying to throw my whole being into the task, while still being at peace, regardless of outcome.
The Teaching:
Come with stillness
Observe
Do not manipulate or chase
In stillness and clarity of mind, perceive the true Spirit of all.
When you see the true humanity beneath the surface,
Let your hunger for the benefit of all beings strike,
And lift up what is good and true.
Be hungry.
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